HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)
BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!
so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:
- in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
- shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
- lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
- uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
- ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
- ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS
fuuck your bedtime mom. its probably like 5 am in china right now. time is a human construction that doesnt even exisgt. if u reject time you can transcend it. please i want to play halo
so sarah bernhardt, france’s most famous actress of all time, was touring in amsterdam one day. she stopped in a pastry shop for a snack, and because she loved this one cookie so much and it was the trend for dutch bakers to name new creations after celebrities (and everyone love sarah bernhardt), the baker named the chocolate-dipped almond macaroon after her.
fast-forward a few decades to world war two, the french resistance notices that the sarah bernhardt cookie looks like the dials of the radio transmitters they use. hence, if you’re a french spy and you walk into any pasty shop in the country to ask for a sarah bernhardt cookie, you can signal to other spies that you have a new message.
sarah bernhardt was just about everything nazis hated: jewish, disabled (amputated leg near the end of her life), really liked kissing women. so the fact that she was able to create some sweetness that helped her country fight, years after her death, makes me really happy.
COMMUNITY REWATCH → S02E05
GOD SAVE OUR BABYKING
this could have been something i had done and i dont see 32000 notes on my doorstep